Don't find your voice

Voice is a confusing concept. Everyone says "Find your voice." That's what every writer must do eventually, with time. Practice. I agree...

But, not really. My current concept of voice is more like this:

(Or so I discovered today as I had the most emotional release I've ever had from writing fiction. It was like intense pent-up journaling. I cried after writing my first scene today. Cried. Writing fiction has never made me cry before.)

We have so many voices in our heads. Characters and critics. Goofballs and meanie-heads. Some want to sabbotage us. Some want to sway. When the voice is weak, it isn't because the writer doesn't have a voice, its because he has too many.

So, I say: Don't find your voice. Listen.

Listen to just one voice at a time. You are the filter. Your voice is actually your ear. Your characters are the speakers. Listen to one voice with one ear at a time.

Focus on the narrator first and foremost hearing no one but your narrator. When its time for dialogue, listen to the other characters, but never loose connection to the narrator (whether in 1st or 3rd) because they are still telling who to listen to and how.

Don't find. Filter.

Filtering your voice is a lot like growing up. You slough off all of those things that other people wanted you to be, that you wanted you to be, and you're left with the common denominator. The core. The thing that needs to be said.

Your voice is already there. The question is: what, if anything, or who, if anyone, is blocking it? Give your narrator the mic.

You may be thinking, but I'm supposed to have the voice, not my narrator. Your narrator is a part of you. So as long as you are listening, really listening, to what the narrator needs to say, then you will be the one who is speaking.

The rhythm of voice

A great book has a powerful and consistent voice, a voice so unique and essential that it can draw you into the story and help you remember what's happened so far even if you've put the book down for a week. To create such a voice, define the vocabulary and syntax of the narrator.

But that's only part of it. Any person can say anything or feel anything. Its always about how they say it. There's a certain cadence or rhythm. Elusive, abstract and moody.

It's like salsa. Quick quick slow. Quick quick slow.

What is your narrator's rhythm?

Silly silly sad goofy. Silly silly sad goofy.

Stuck-up stuck-up embarrassed stuck-up humble. Stuck-up stuck-up embarrassed stuck-up humble.

These patterns can happen in a couple sentences or take a paragraph each.

Its all about reaction. Let's say your character is feeling sunny. How long does it take him to be cynical? A voice that maintains an optimistic and bright tone for only half a sentence creates a very different character or narrator than the voice that stays ecstatic for an entire scene but then crashes hard.

Anyone can say anything (within their vocabulary and syntax range of course.) Anyone can feel anything. How long do they let themselves feel it? What is the pattern of their mind?

In case you were wondering,

I haven't posted in a while, because I didn't want to let you in on my dirty little secret. But now that I've come to terms with it, I have to tell you what it is: I'm rewriting my first book!

I want to feel terribly embarrassed by this, but I worked through the self-hatred in a matter of days. Awful days they were though, lemme tell ya.

My go-for-it attitude got me in a serious bind. I've already told you about my rookie run-in with word count, so here comes another newbie mistake:

For my second draft, I fine-tuned the voice differentiation of my two narrators. For the third draft, I reworked a few scenes. For my fourth, I took out a scene, and I added one. For my "fifth draft," I've decided to rewrite the whole thing.

I'm editing backwards! Going from small to big! What the heck is up with that? But I'll still have to get back to fine-tuning. My revision process for this WIP is a mountain. I am my own Aristotelian Arc.

Had I been a reader of blogs before revising, I may have come across one of Natalie Whipple's endlessly helpful posts, like Stages of Revision or my personal favorite, When I go hardcore. I would've known that it is super silly to fine-tune something you might later scrap, but honestly...I should've known that anyways. I was plagued by the belief that my story couldn't change, that what happens is what happens, an ailment Natalie has also written about. Thank goodness I'm not the only one.

Won't I always have this problem? Won't I always be able to write better at the end of a project then at the beginning? Couldn't I just write circularly, chasing my wisening tail round and round and round 'til I've got one story that took one seriously repetitive lifetime to write?

No. I will resist the temptation. Too long word-count and backwards editing are not why I am rewriting. The real reason is because of my ultimate newbie mistake.

When in first-draft mode, I couldn't pick a genre. For the life of me, I simply couldn't get myself to stop saying, "YA Fantasy." Was my WIP YA? Or was it fantasy? I couldn't decide! I didn't know my reader's age or their favorite section of the bookstore. I teetered between teen and adult. Between YA and fantasy. My book teeters too.

When I finally did decide on YA, I had a third draft that read like bad fantasy. Not bad metaphor fantasy. But bad information dump fantasy. I know. But I just couldn't leave it behind. Well, I'm tougher now.

And so, I begin again. I'm doing it forwards this time. I've spent the last few months doing a lot of research about what it is to write a novel. The amazing part is that I'm excited about this. This time around, I know the story so well that the voices and characters aren't being as overwhelmed with the lore and conspiracy. The back story is staying where it belongs and the writing is fresher for it, just like YA should be.

I'd like to hate myself for this absolute ridiculous, but I don't. Its all experience. Its what I want to do.

Steven King, 180 thou is just too much.

A couple weeks ago, while reading Nathan Brandsford's fantastic blog, I read a poster's comment that almost made me barf:

In the otherwise miraculous book "On Writing", Stephen King gives two pieces of advice that seem to be on a lot of agents' no-no lists: (1) he suggests querying with a few chapters written, and (2) he suggests writing 2,000 words a day for three months, giving you a nice 180k word novel. Whenever I see someone mention a supersized novel, I wonder if that advice is behind it.

I almost died. I felt like a big fat idiot.

I read On writing last summer and said to myself, "well I'm writing a young adult novel, so I'll make mine 160,000 words." And I did. It is 160,000 words. Come to find out after discovering Nathan Brandsford and the world of blogging authors/agents/editors/publishers, that 150,000 is the cutoff for first-time adult fiction novelists. Oh crap.

And what was the debut young adult restriction? 100,000 words. I shot myself in the foot.

Why couldn't I have read all this a year ago? That poster's comment shocked me into a regret that lasted two days and spanned every aspect of my life.

Before I wrote my first book, I didn't seek out anything other than King's word-count advice. I didn't even really research the market. I was naive, or lazy maybe. Or maybe I just needed to prove to myself that I could do it.

But it's okay, because I'm here now. And I love where I'm at. In response to yesterday's post, I've found a tool that not only exists outside my brain, but limits it! How delicious.

Word Count makes it so easy for me to feel either accomplished, wordy, or brief. Word Count labels my life. Okay, that was extreme.

I have a way to make my ideas tangible and small. Life is big but my books are small. Duh, right? But listen. If a book were as big as life...umm no...(don't listen). I can't even finish that sentence. All that comes to mind is apocalypse, explosion, and a twenty-year-old man who looks 102 and then dies. Sounds like I've got the premise for my third novel.

So basically, a word count goal limits a writer. Like a canvas would to a painter.

But WAIT! THERE'S MORE! I have another tool.

On Voice. (Darn you Steven King!)

I couldn't even read my first book out loud. It felt awful. All wrong. But I love reading other people's books out loud. I do an excellent Hermione, and a darn good everybody else. Really I do. Except that I'm shy and can only do it for Gabe and Deven.

I couldn't even read my own book out loud to Gabe. What the hell?

I didn't think I was a capable of mastering the complexity of my characters. They were too real to me. I dreamed of someday doing the audio for the book, but I couldn't even read it aloud to myself.

Voice is ESSENTIAL to writing. And it's auditory. It's kinda/sorta outside the brain. It limits me (thank the Lord). It makes my book tangible. I have just had a revelation! Writers must focus on how their audience will absorb the product. This is hard for writers to do. Dancers and performers can look in the mirror. Actresses can do screen tests. Painters can take two steps back. And so on.

Writing is very personal. You can't just sneak a peak. You can't see it from the bleachers or eye it from across the museum room. You have to get up close, and let it fill your head. The writer's tools are all about how your head gets full.

If you hold a book, you probably don't want it to break your hand. Enter:

WORD COUNT!

If it's read out loud to you, you want your mommy or teacher or wife to do fun, entertaining voices. (I love you, J.K. Rowling.)

So yeah, Steven King gets to write books that can send you to the hospital, because obviously he writes some good shit. (Though I doubt he could get me to growl like Hagrid.)

Uh, oh. There's a conundrum. That conundrum being e-books. They aren't heavy. My laptop weighs a hell of a lot less than the university library (fake tans and mow-hawk dreads are heavier than you'd think).

Kindles and iPads enable people to load tons of books on a device they can balance on one finger. How do they choose these books? How do they know if the writer is worth his weight if the item weighs nothing? They get a sample!

It's not just about weight. It's about layout. LAYOUT! I have another tool :)

Long books can't hide. They have .25 inch margins and not enough paragraphs on the page. Well, so do these e-books. If they start making separate, sparser layouts for these e-books, Jacqueline Carrey's books will be as long as the Bible (I'm talkin' to you, Steven King).

WORD COUNT, VOICE, and LAYOUT. Readers are going to use these things to help them choose what to buy and decide what they like.

So writers should use them too.